Your friend in the movie business

In light of my recent narcissism I’ve decided to make a pro/con list… about myself.  I care almost as little as you, I assure you, but it fills some space.  Some will be physical, some psychological, some trade traits, intelligence, and so forth.

Pro

• I like my eyes
• I like my hands.  They’re kind of soft but I hardly count that as a bad thing.  I’m not a fucking cowboy.  They’re still strong and very large.
• I’m very logical.  Even if my process doesn’t make sense to some people, my conclusions are always valid and often beyond the capabilities of most people
• I can follow Plato and Socrates.  And enjoy it.  And contribute. Freaky, I know.
• My hair is extremely thick.  The color is nice enough and I have no dandruff, greasiness, etc.
• My elbows aren’t dry.  I’m starting to realize how rare that is in guys… and dry elbows are disgusting.  And no, before you ask, I’ve never used lotion.
• I pride myself on acting like me, no matter what the situation.  I come off as odd to new people, but the ones that filter through like me that much more when they finally come to understand me.
• I built my own computer with absolutely no knowledge of how to do so.  Sure it’s just cord A -> slot A nowadays but for 9 years now I’ve been working on hardware issues with absolutely no help and I fucking win every time.  I’m proud of that.
• My priorities rock.
• Pragmatism, I think, is one of my strong suits.  It makes it so that I have to accept the bad with the good.  I recognize my superiority in many cases, but I also am constantly striving to better myself in those areas I am weak.  All the areas that I am weak.
• I can focus or broaden my mind whenever it suites me.  So while at work I may have to focus on what’s at hand to get the job done, in more leisurely times I can also follow some little thought off on a tangent that will become an extensive philosophy.
• I can do anything I put my mind to.  I know that’s so cliche but I’ve proven it’s true for me.  Anything in the world I feel I genuinely want to do, I can, and eventually better than anyone.
• I’m good at sports
• I’m good at computer games
• I’m good at card and board games.  Seriously, really good at them.  Mind you, that may just be me growing up in a Mormon society.  Too often these games are based in deceit… and well, that’s not exactly a Mormon speciality.
• I can be completely compassionate or uncaring.  Whichever I want, whenever I want.  It makes me feel a little inhuman though, being able to turn it on and off.
• There’s probably more, but I don’t want to go into specifics when this post could turn out waaaay too long.

Cons

• I think my head is misshapen.  Nobody has ever told me so, but it seems like it to me.
• I can never find any long-term motivation to work out.  I’m on my best streak so far but I’ve faded to working out maybe 2-3 days a week instead of the 5 I need to.
• I’m extremely pale.  I’ve come to accept that seeing as there’s a history of cancer in my family and I have no desire to tempt fate.
• I do something wrong with girls.  I don’t know what.  Seriously, I analyze my actions more than you can possibly know and I can’t pinpoint what I apparently do wrong.  I no longer see myself as needy, I don’t lack confidence, while I think I can be boring I can’t see that I’m more boring than the next guy.  The only conclusion I’m able to reach is that I really am simply setting my attraction standard too high.  Maybe I’m overreaching my boundaries.  The one thing I’ve never been able to determine is if I’m attractive or not.  I just… don’t know.  It’s like I’m so familiar with my face that I can’t analyze it.  It’s like judging your mom’s physical characteristics.  It just doesn’t work.
• I’m awful at math.  That seems contradictory to my pro of logic, but that’s just how it is.  I think it’s because while I’m logical, I’m not precise.  Mathematics are all about getting the exact number, while I often go with “good enough”.
• My voice might be annoying.  I’m not sure.
• I waste a lot of time and I slack off.  I’m getting better at that but it’s a little sad.
• I am not a douschebag to girls I date.  In fact, I could be described at a traditional romantic.  Not to the extent that I lack humor but I automatically open doors for women, I would go out of my way to keep them from harm, I give them as much attention to their opinions as I would to anyone else (more, usually).  It’s at times like this I remember the line from the film Waiting, “Girls like assholes.  Women like confidence.”  But then I think, holy shit, at the age of 21, according to that line, everyone around me is still a little girl!  When exactly are they supposed to grow the fuck up?
• Wait, crap, that was a pro.  Whatever, I’m not moving it.
• I’m living with my parents again.  Dammit I’m sad.
• Sometimes I’m an asshole to people.  Not on purpose… they simply just expect me to care about their problems and I don’t.  I don’t share my problems with anyone else.  After all, they’re mine and nobody else is going to fix them.  Why burden them with unnecessary stress, and why bother me with theirs?
• I’m often too blunt.  Tact is not a foreign concept to me yet as I grow, I find I care less and less about filtering my dialogue.
• I have terrible allergies for about 2 months per year.  It pisses me off horribly.
• I’ve never tried alcohol or drugs of any kind.  I’m not saying I wish to become like that; simply that it seems like a disappointment that at the age of 21, I haven’t tried.  My excuse for it?  I haven’t had a reason to yet.  Or closer to home, as far as they’re currently available, the con’s outweigh the pros.
• I watch too much TV, too many movies, read too many books and play too many videogames.  There, I said it and I won’t ever say it again.
• I’m so damn jaded.  Blame the internet.  On a related note, go to the encyclopediadramatica and search for “Offended”.  Fortunately I’m not that fucked up.  The chans are pushing me there though.
• I’m hypocritical, although I wouldn’t call it that.  I mean come on… if we both have the same problem, I criticize you for that problem, and you criticize me for being hypocritical because I also have the problem, it doesn’t erase the fact that you’re still a douschebag.
• I argue with my mother a lot.  I know she’s intelligent in her own way but I just can’t agree with her on anything and I’m not sure why.  What scares me more is that they say you will treat your spouse like you treat your mother… I can find reasons why that wouldn’t be true, particularly in my case, but that psychological analysis could have valid reasoning and I might find it to be true despite myself.  When it comes down to it though, I just have to work away from that result and I can beat it.

And again, that’s the point of this list… if I know my shortcomings, I can beat them.  Having it written out like this will make it easier to remember and I’m going to go to sleep for my meeting with a school advisor tomorrow, bye.