Film Review: Spring…
No, “Spring” is not a movie. Spring is infact a season. A bad, bad season for movies. It’s like the directors see all the award ceremonies end and suddenly they don’t give a fuck anymore. I figure movies can be made for 3 different reasons (or so I will lead you to believe for the sake of this post). Money, artistic achievement, and acknowledgment for artistic achievement. Not in that order.
Money comes foremost, because if movies didn’t make money, nobody would spend the money to make movies. Simple enough. Acknowledgment comes second and artistic value comes third and is greatly ignored. I wouldn’t generally make such a pessimistic remark, but you guys kind of forced me to it with such a stony apathy about the quality of your post-ceremony productions.
A quick summary of my recent movies:
Doomsday: 2/10 Worst movie i’ve seen since Alexander. Plot holes are one thing and can be ignored for the sake of action. Plot contradictions are something else. Did the survivors-gone-canabal-due-to-an-exhausted-food-supply just… overlook the five thousand motherfucking cows two miles outside the city?
Leatherheads: 6/10 Mediocre on all counts. It was enjoyable enough, but I find that three days later I can’t recall a single specific scene… nor the actual plot… nor any of the actors besides George Clooney! I’m half convinced that I never even saw this movie. From what I can remember of it, it seems I only ever saw the preview.
The Forbidden Kingdom: 7/10 Also meh. Putting Jackie Chan and Jet Li together in a single film should have been the most momentuous event to happen since Tom Cruise recieved his superpowers. Instead the story was based on a white kid who travels back in time to free the monkey king… I hate you people. Action sequences were a bit tame compared to most modern eastern martial arts films and they didn’t happen frequently enough. Too much focus on the retard white kid with the perfect triangle of chest hair.
*On a related note, what the hell is with all the Shia LaBeouf lookalikes popping up?
National Treasure 2 (whatever the hell the subtitle is… I dunno): 7/10 Good, not great. I’m no Native American history major but… El Dorado the city of gold in South Dakota? Correct me if I’ve wrong, but doesn’t that seems a… few thousand miles off? Whatever.
27 dresses: ?/10 I do not remember this movie… only that I did in fact see it. It keeps blurring together with previews for Made of Honor.
21: high 7/10 Actually a pretty good movie. It wasn’t ground breaking material but I don’t think it was made to be. A fun little film that you can add on a to-do list for a day off.
Vantage Point: 6/10 I can’t even imagine a method of storytelling to make me care less about the characters. But at any rate it did fit together and there was a very good car chase scene… even if all of the plot twists were borderline retarded.
Altogether, a very dull season. Summer shows some promise though.
